A proving of Thiosinamine
This proving is
dedicated to all of those who are healing old wounds of the past
Please send cases,
information or enquiries to:
The North West
College of Homoeopathy, 23 Wilbraham Road, Fallowfield, Manchester, M14 6FG ENGLAND
Tel and Fax +44 (0)161 257 2445 e-mail info@nwch.co.uk www.nwch.co.uk
Thiosinamine is a
chemical derivative from volatile mustard oil, Black mustard (Sinapis nigra)
being the source. The dried black ripe seeds are distilled to produce volatile
mustard oil, but the oil can also be produced synthetically from the
interaction of allyl iodide and potassium thiocyanate, the oil contains not
less than 92 % allyl isothiocyanate. The oil is colourless or slightly yellow
in colour and with a very pungent irritating odour. By adding excess alcohol
and ammonia to volatile mustard oil, the odour disappears gradually in cold and
more quickly on heating, while crystals of thiosinamine are formed.
2. Mustard
To understand a
little more about Thiosinamine it helps to also know something about the
original source from which it was derived, mustard.
The word mustardt'
comes from the Latin must (much) and
A one-acre field of
mustard produces 1 tonne of seed, which produces 880kg of mustard flour. This
produces 4760kg of wet mustard, which produces 47600 jars of mustard. It was
not until the 18th century that mustard seeds were used more widely as a
condiment - and, even then, diners had to crush the seeds on their own plates
before mixing them with vinegar and water to suit their taste.
3. Folk Medicine -
Mustard
The seed or its oil
is taken both internally or externally, for cancers, growths of the abdomen,
spleen, stomach, throat, uterus or wrist indurations. Medicinally, seeds are
considered diaphoretic, diuretic, emetic, expectorant, irritant, and stimulant,
and are used in poultices for acute local pain, pneumonia, bronchitis, and
other diseases of the respiratory organs. The volatile oil is a powerful
irritant, rubefacient, and vesicant, used for rheumatic pains and colic. In
1699 John Evelyns Acetaria says of the seedlings of incomparable effect to
quicken and revive the spirits, strengthening the memory expelling heaviness
besides being an approved antiscorbutic. As a counterirritant, the seeds ground
and mixed with vinegar are recommended for rheumatism, yet used internally for
digestive disorders. Mustard seed tea has been prescribed as a gargle for sore
throat, and it is said to relieve bronchitis and rheumatism (Grieve, 1931). The
plant is thought to have emollient and sedative, even narcotic properties (Watt
and Breyer-Brandwijk, 1962).
4. Chemistry of
Mustard
White Mustard
contains an enzyme myrosin and a glucoside sinalbin, which yields upon
hydrolysis, acrinyl isothiocynate, a pungent tasting but almost odourless oil.
Sinalbin mustard oil is only slightly volatile with steam, and causes blisters
on the skin. Seeds contain 7.2% moisture, 27.6% protein, 29.7% crude fat, 20.8%
N-free extract, 10.3% fibre, and 4.5% ash (C.S.I.R. 1948-1976). Asian analyses
suggest that the seed contains per 100g: 469 calories, 5.0% moisture, 26.4%
protein, 36.3% fat, 28.2% total carbohydrate, 5.2% fibre, 4.1% ash, 410 mg
Calcium, 613 mg Phosphorus, 20.9 mg Iron, 630 mg beta carotene equivalent, 0.40
mg thiamine, 0.31 mg riboflavin, 7.3 mg niacin, and 0 ascorbic acid.
5. Toxicity of
Mustard.
Seeds have a
cathartic acid due to liberation of Hydrogen sulphide on contact with water.
Large doses may produce sulphide poisoning, with cyanosis, etc. Troxler (1981)
reports fatalities in 19 of 48 heifers fed white mustard.
6. The proving
remedy Thiosinamine.
A rare snake venom
was chosen but became unavailable, which set back the proving by 6 months
(being a typical theme in Thiosinamine - so even before the remedy was formally
chosen it was exhibiting its effects).
I chose Thiosinamine
because although it already exists in materia medica, the information is
restricted to adhesions4 and healing of old scar tissue. The scar tissue theme
was interesting and I wondered if the remedy could do similar things on the
mental and emotional level.
7. Proving
Methodology.
The proving was
conducted mainly following the recommendations of Jeremy Sherr.5 The provers
had their case taken one month before the start of the proving so that any
symptoms they had before the proving could be eliminated. If however the nature
of the symptom had changed this would be noted as a part of the proving, so,
for instance any previous symptoms intensified, or return of old symptoms would
be noted, as would any existing symptoms which were cured during the proving.
Apart from the above exceptions any symptoms recorded would be new symptoms.
Several meetings
were organised and finally provers and supervisors were organised into pairs.
The remedy was prepared at Helios pharmacy, and the remedies were provided in
coded bottles so that no one, myself included, except the pharmacy knew what
each prover received until the end of the proving. Provers took the
Thiosinamine between the middle and end of January 1998.
Provers and
supervisors would initially keep contact daily by phone, and once a week in
person, both prover and supervisor keeping diaries of the provers symptoms.
Neither prover or supervisor was permitted to discuss the proving with others
participating until the proving meeting at the end of the proving where all the
symptoms would be collated.
The proving was
conducted with a wide range of potencies between 6 and 1M. The reasoning being
that I wanted to get a wide range of the effects of the remedy and in
particular its effect on the mental and emotional levels for which in the
present materia medica there is little or no information.
The codes and
potencies were as follows: 100-6c female, 105-Placebo female, 101-1M male,
107-1M male, 102-6c male, 108-30c female 103-200c female, 109-200c female
104-30c female, 110-1M female
Prover 105, the
placebo, produced a lot of symptoms which also seem to fit with the overall
remedy picture. This at first hand seems unusual, but may be explained in that
those involved in the proving were students from the college.
Sankaren6 has talked
about communal consciousness and the students were known to each other and used
to meet at college monthly, so there was a communal experience in which the
provers and supervisors were involved. It is possible in such a situation that
despite the fact that 105 was given placebo, she may have developed symptoms of
the proving by being part of the group and college community involved in the
proving. All information on the placebo is included as anecdotal evidence
rather than within the main proving.
In the provings
conducted by Nuala Eising7 where the individuals do not know each other and
hence there is no communal consciousness provers on placebo do not produce
significant symptoms.
8. Nomenclature
The proving is
written in the words of the provers. No attempt is made to change the language
of the provers until the text of the provers is converted into repertory
language.
The first section
involves the experiences of the provers divided into the various sections of
the repertory. The division of the body was used using the Complete Repertory
format that has close similarities to
Coding
After a provers
symptoms, there are numbers in brackets. e.g. (104,f,30: 05:XX:XX).
The first number is
the prover number, the letter denotes f-female or m- male, the next number is
the remedy potency.
After the colon the
first number is the day, followed by the hours and minutes, (usually depicted
as XX). The exact hours and minutes are only noted on the first day (day 00).
If the first dose of remedy is taken at
Abbreviations
IOS : Intensified
Old Symptom. - This a symptom experienced before the proving but which has
become more intense since the proving started, and hence is likely to be
significant.
ROS : Return Old
Symptom. - When a patient experiences ROS during normal homoeopathic treatment
it is considered a healing reaction of the treatment. So if a ROS occurs during
the proving a special note is made of it.
8. The Proving Of
Thiosinamine
MIND
Waiting
The theme of waiting
patiently already applies to the proving for me. Waiting for the proving to
start, waiting for the time to be right, delays, but it is OK. (104,f 30:
Before proving)
Waiting has suddenly
come to the fore - I feel Ive been waiting for something dramatic to happen with
the proving, but it isnt, and I need to reconcile myself to the fact that it
might not. I feel impatient. (104,f,30: 05:XX:XX)
2 patients havent
shown this morning, so Ive had two hours wasted waiting for them with no time
to get on with anything else. Thats wasted time! (104,f,30: 05:XX:XX)
Waiting is a big
part of my supervisors life at the moment - waiting for something that could go
either way. Also world events the Clinton Affair - will he go or wont he? The
UN in Iraq and the British / US threats - will they or wont they? (104,f,30:
08:XX:XX)
Size
Feel thinner but
know Im not. (109,f, 200: 00:XX:XX)
Looked smaller, my
features and general being. (110,f,1M: 08:XX:XX)
I feel taller.
(110,f,1M : 23:XX:XX)
Unreal
Things started to
look unreal. Sensation as if not having enough sleep, dream like state. Like
not got a firm grip on things. Like not in your body. (103, f, 200: 00:02:15)
(ROS) I dont feel
quite in the world - culturally things have gone on around me, Ive missed things.
(109,f,200: 00:XX:XX)
Very tired, wanting
to lie down, and feeling of everything being unreal came over me. (103, f, 200:
00: O3: XX)
Relaxed / contented
Doesnt feel as
anxious as of late. (103,f,200: 00:03:45)
Husband got annoyed
at amount of pots to be washed. I was determined not to bother about this - I
would normally get anxious about his anger - I was sarcastic, sarcastic and
scornful and he laughed and came out of his anger. Felt high from this time as
the time progresses. (103, f, 200: 00:04:25)
Feeling very happy
and contented and grounded, and noticing others being more frazzled than usual.
(104,f,30: 00:XX:XX)
Quite cheerful all
day. (101, m, 1M: 01:XX:XX)
Daughter comments I
look well. Feels optimistic. Better in company. (103, f,200: 01:XX: XX)
Calmer still and
more relaxed. I didnt feel hyper before, but this has given me a different
perspective. (107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Things feel gentle -
the atmosphere in the house, family feels gentle, cheerful-at one. My partner
even smiled first thing in the morning. (104,f, 30: 02:XX: XX)
Laid back. Feel it
will all work out. (110,f, 1M: 02:XX: XX)
Calm - persistently.
Stressful situations did not feel stressful it just flowed. (110,f, 1M: 03:XX:
XX)
Felt calm all day
except when really pushed by the kids, but didnt lose it even then. (104,f, 30:
04:XX: XX)
I feel fine - Feel
very happy and contented. (110,f, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
Energy level still
high, going with the flow. (110,f, 1M: 08:XX: XX)
Very relaxed and happy
sailed through a stressful situation. Better for being by the sea. (110,f, 1M:
09:XX: XX)
Very happy to see a
lot of friends - cheerful. (101, m. 1M: 19:XX: XX)
Got engaged
Valentines day - and we went to see the dogs at Bellevue and had a great time!
Not romantic, but fun and a new experience. (104,f, 30: 24:XX: XX)
Feeling very calm
(things change from day to day) and able to cope well with things happening out
of the blue, such as unexpected visitors staying for tea. (104,f, 30: 27:XX:
XX)
A friend said I
looked radiant over the last 2 weeks! She said every time she sees me she
notices more. (104,f, 30: 44:XX:XX)
Heightened Awareness
Heightened
awareness, referring to colours, sounds and shapes, More in the now: things are
defined and precise, pure and pristine, no encumbrances. Im in the now just
accepting it not thinking. Observing without overt reaction. I feel calm,
fairly focused. Notice things more, not intellectually just instantly.
Everything seems slow and defined wasnt thinking about what I should be doing.
(107,m, 1M: 00:12:00)
My senses were
strongly evoked while walking in the park - smells, sights, and noises.
Everything seemed very crisp and nice, although it was grey and drizzling in
reality. (104,f, 30: 01:XX: XX)
Sounds and shapes
more vivid than colours. Noticing more movements in my peripheral vision. Seem
to notice noises more clearly the sound seems to be amplified. (107,m, 1M:
01:XX: XX)
Had impression that
other provers were a little wild-eyed and ###### perhaps explains the last few
days. Feel ##### and sensual and detached. Remedy has heightened sensuality.
Once again aware of amplification of sound. Whispers, coughs, laughs, as if
they were personal and intimate - as if they involved me. Noticed other people
looking at me but feels good. Felt more confident at college, more in control
of situation, Aware of the harsh side of the remedy but also its potential for
strength. If I can handle the immediacy of it, it can be used constructively.
(107,m,1M: 21:XX: XX)
Woman got on tram,
stands stark opposite. Thought she was sensual and symbolic. I felt I was
controlling the situation and editing/scripting it. Realised the importance of
perspective in interpretation - anything is possible. Sense of exhilaration.
(107,m, 1M: 21:XX: XX)
Have developed an
intense passion for someone I shouldnt have! Its a hugely deep physical and
mental attraction and it feels all consuming and very distracting. I want to
spend all my time fantasizing about meeting him, and to sleep in order to dream
about him! Its about passion on the emotional level, not sexual. About a
meeting of minds and hearts, and it feels so right, but at the same time it
feels so wrong because of my commitment to my partner. All in all, a very sensitive
issue, and I keep trying to push it away and hold on it being a part of the
proving, but the stronger urge is holding onto it because it feels so exciting
and new! (108,f, 30: 20:XX: XX)
Heaviness of thought
combined with a lightness of sensation. Aware of every neuralgia pain and every
little itch. A bit hypochondriacal. After seeing sister my own fears have been
heightened. (1O7,m,1M: 24:XX:XX)
Colours, noises,
sounds are vivid again. Sensual feel for the city, cold almost clinical
observation of the chaos that could ensue. Mind lively, body sluggish. There is
a debilitating quality to the remedy. (107,m, 1M: 26:XX: XX)
Synchronicity
2 instances of
synchronicity - I couldnt find the milk in its usual place in the corner shop
and was told it hadnt arrived yet, and then on leaving the shop the milk float
turned up. It felt as if one minute milk was completely lacking, and the next
it was there in abundance! Later in the day I was very aware how much milk my
daughter was drinking and expressed concern to her. (104,f, 30: 00: XX: XX)
Was thinking about
how a patient Id spoken with yesterday she hadnt mentioned a symptom thats been
bothering her a lot recently; then I walked into my work room to find she was
leaving a message on the phone saying shed forgotten to mention the symptom and
that she was still worried about it. So both of us had been thinking the same
thing at the same time. (104,f, 30: 00: XX: XX)
Ive been thinking
about getting my hair cut professionally for the last two weeks and today a new
patient who turned out to have been a very high class stylist and gave me some
advice - although it wasnt asked for! It felt like wonderful timing - a spur in
the right direction. (104,f, 30: 07:XX: XX)
2 pieces of
synchronicity this morning: -
Id been thinking
about a case from three years ago (I havent seen him for 12 months) with a view
to discussing it with students, and this morning his mother rang to say he
needed some more (of the remedy). (104,f, 30: 08:XX: XX)
Clarity
Feel very clear
headed and alert therefore a good sleep refreshed. No anxiety about seeing
patients. (103, f, 200: 01:XX: XX)
Pleased was able to
deal quite firmly and directly with difficult patients - very slight
aggression. Slightly stood back, detached. No anticipatory feelings. Dealt with
her in the here and now - didnt allow games / messing about. (103, f, 200: O1:
XX: XX)
No sense of
hurriedness. Clarity and determination, and accomplish things. No anxiety.
(103, f, 200: 01: XX: XX)
Need to tidy up
(generally untidy), moved some paintings. Old packets and bottles moved off
freezer. Felt needed to tidy up house then tidy up garden, cut back dead wood
etc. (103, f, 200: 03:XX: XX)
Not feeling as
anxious. Not heavy headed. (103, f, 200: 03: XX:XX)
My husband said out
of the blue that the remedy was making me more direct, assertive, but not
bossy. This week more organised. (103, f, 200: 04:XX:XX)
Visited mum - didnt
feel as antagonistic as I normally do. Afterwards she said shed come to visit
me. Going home I was aware there was a softening to that idea. Havent wanted
her in the house before, decided to invite her up. (103, f, 200: 04:XX:XX)
Daughter not home
shed rang earlier to say she was going to be late - keep her tea warm. Husband
angry at waste of electricity. I was untouched by his anger. Thought they can
sort it out between them. (Previously would have felt a knot in stomach,
anxiety and would have tried to appease him.) Felt empathy with him. (103, f,
200: 04:XX: XX)
Still tidying - a
backlog of case notes, teaching notes. (103, ft 200: 04:XX: XX)
Found myself
cleaning up kitchen - not obsessive just sense of putting things in order and
organising things. Pleasant symptoms efficient, not efficacious. Sense of
well-being. (103, f, 200: 04:XX: XX)
Looked at garden
today and was able to see it clearer i.e. more observant - able to see a
broader picture rather than individual bits, the whole. (103, f, 200: 07:XX:
XX)
Made daughter get
off the phone. In the past would have wanted to, but now did. Was downright
bossy, not dictatorial just firm. Feel very well, quite calm and optimistic.
Getting used to the idea that there is no certainty in doing the job
(homoeopathy) and the results. Job before, felt needed certainty.
Far more assertive
in myself, the external uncertainties dont matter so much. Feel its the
beginning of a new way of thinking about things, feel very optimistic about
things. (103, f, 200: 07:XX: XX)
(R0S) Phoned back
difficult patient - she was rude, offensive, I wasnt upset by it. (103, f, 200:
08:XX: XX)
Supermarket bill was
very large this week. D. started to moan about it as he usually does. I usually
ignore his moaning but today I felt very sympathetic towards him I knew how he
felt (This is the same feeling as a few days ago, when I knew how he felt when
he was angry with my daughter.) I said nothing because I didnt feel anything I
said would make it better. He came round very quickly after 15 minutes to
apologise to me for his ranting on. (103, f, 200: 10:XX: XX)
I seem to be
standing back and getting everything done, (110,f, 1M: 10:XX: XX)
Did some gardening
and cleared away some dead trees and brambles felt brighter after doing it /
more cheerful. (101, m, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Busier than usual important
meeting pending - felt in control. (101, m, 1M: 14:XX: XX)
Lots of energy all
evening worked till midnight. (104,f, 30: 13:XX: XX)
Desire to clean -
feeling very fastidious - wanted everything to be exact. (110,f, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Created festive
atmosphere - like Christmas. Desire to stop the world - get everything sorted
and up to date and then get everything started again. (110,f, 1M: 14:XX: XX)
Phone call from a
third difficult patient complaining about treatment, since the start of the
proving. This is unusual for me, my feeling is not as anxious about this as I
would have been, before taking the proving my feeling was more of concern than
anxiety. (103, f. 200: 17:XX: XX)
Out walking in the
Peak District today. Found I was able to make connections between the various
places in the Peak District. In the past have been familiar with individual
places but not able to fix them together - where they are in relation to each
other. Today I found I could. This is an example of seeing the broader picture
that I experienced in my garden on day 7. (103, f, 200: 17:XX: XX)
Made a sudden
realisation as to the meaning of a recurrent childhood nightmare, while
chatting to a friend - it all fell into place, and was linked with the film
Wizard of Oz - Id never realised that before, although now its blindingly
obvious. (104,f, 30: 17:XX:XX)
Feel very energetic
today - as I used to feel in the morning felt optimistic all day. (103, f, 200:
18:XX: XX)
My partner and I
have decided to get engaged after 17 years of living together, and 2 children!
It seems like a fun, confirming, consolidating thing to do (104,f,30: 19:
XX:XX)
Feeling very busy in
the late evening, wanting to do, not go to bed. Urge to read in particular.
(104,f, 30: 29:XX: XX)
I had my hair cut
for the first time professionally in 7 years! Another thing Id been putting off
and have at last done! (104,f, 30: 39:XX: XX)
Feel bright and
sparkly, creative once more. Had thought Id never be right again. It has
dragged its way through me. (110,f, 1M: 60:XX: XX)
Dictatorial
Bossy. Daughter
objected wanted things to be done. More would be accomplished if she did things
and I did things (not bossy normally). Not dictatorial. Organizing people to
take on tasks. Daughter said I looked well. Feeling calm yet she says Im bossy.
I do not normally ask someone to do something usually do it myself. (103, f,
200: 01:XX: XX)
Feel stroppy and
bossy - its fun actually! My partner accused me of talking like someone out of
Eastenders! Behaving in a rude off hand way. Continued also on and off the next
day. (104, f,30: 09:XX: XX)
Irritability
Conversation on the
telephone was abrupt. Every question answered with a " No, no. Nope, Yep,
No. Monosyllabic, abrupt, aggressive. (100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Alternating between
aggression, hysteria and stupor. (100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Annoyed, slightly
shaky after a phone call from a demanding patient. Quite short on the phone
businesslike. (103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
Was direct with
daughter, I could feel anger rising, therefore could be direct without being in
a state, she does so little in the house. (103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
A surge of anger
toward a difficult patient, while thinking about her. Patient used to phone
daily, now she has come back, looks like shes doing it again. All at once I
decided I would tell her not to phone every day. Visualised it happening. Never
got to a pitch where I thought I could tell her. Once I decided this, the anger
went after 5 minutes but the decision remained. (103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
General feeling for
the day: More anger, lethargy and tiredness. Feeling of anger is lifting; a lid
is lifting off it. Have been keeping the peace for a couple of years.
Keeping everybody
calm, husband and daughter fiery so I have to keep the peace. (103, f, 200:
02:XX: XX)
Later, everyone was
very irritable and definitely not at one. Every little thing feels so difficult
and out to annoy me - inanimate objects especially. This is completely
different to how I felt this morning. Not able to negotiate with my daughter,
just turned her down without listening to her. Wanted kids out of my hair, in
bed, without bedtime stories, and no argument. (104,f 30: 02:XX: XX)
(R0S) Felt
irritable, hot and bothered before bed, just wanted to be left alone. (103, f,
200: 03:XX: XX)
Whole family very
irritable and failing to communicate at all. (104,f, 30: 03:XX: XX)
Annoyed for people
being in my way, Irritable with people. Want to be on my own. Impatient at
others slowness - woman with a pram in front of me Why is she dithering?"
Intolerant (not like me). (100, f,6: 03:XX: XX)
Irritable, wanted to
be left alone and quiet. Partner asked for help in the garden felt obliged out
of duty. (101, m,1M: 05:XX: XX)
(I0S) Woke by answer
phone, didnt answer it but felt annoyed and agitated that a difficult patient
had managed to disturb me, lasted until 2 pm. (103, f, 200: 08:XX: XX)
(I0S) Irritable with
the kids, couldnt wait to get rid of them to bed, just wanted rid of them. (104,f
30: 11:XX: XX)
Irritable in the
morning on being challenged about getting on with jobs that needed doing on the
house / garden (i.e. not getting on with them!) (101, m, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Busy day - beginning
to feel hassled. (101, m, 1M: 15:XX: XX)
More irritable, felt
constrained by job. Felt like an automaton, not in control. (107,m, 1M: 17:XX:
XX)
Quite wound up at
prospect of long drive to meeting. (101, m, 1M: 18:XX: XX)
On the same night as
having a dream about being concerned about animals, my daughter kept having a
dream about a giant wasp that didnt like people. She came into our room 3 or 4
times, and I was just irritated and said, Go away-I didnt even think of giving
her a hug! It felt very callous of me the following morning. (104,f, 30: 31:XX:
XX)
Very irritable and
feeling out of control today - actually swore at my daughter when she spilt
water all over my work. (104,f, 30: 48:XX: XX)
Continued
irritability with the family - I seem to create situations where I can find fault
and blow up. (104,f, 30: 49:XX: XX)
Shouted at
grandchildren in an unreasonable way - felt very guilty. Irritability better
for walking. Everything that was a problem has now got on top of me. Im hardly
able to do anything because everything has to be done perfectly. There is so
much to put in order I dont know where to start. I dont want to hand over
control to anybody. (103, f, 200: 71:XX: XX)
(From supervisors
diary) Murderous rage. Feels its hormonal. Total unreasonable, sheer rage.
Things winding me up - granddaughter with diabetes - constant battle to get her
to eat, and the dog. Sheer rage. (103, f, 200: 71:XX: XX)
Very irritable. The
cat is irritating me beyond measure. Threw her to the ground feeling loss of
control. Want to control everything. Used to feel like this when premenstrual -
the feeling would go once the period had started. This feeling went once I
started to take Evening Primrose about 20 years ago. (103, f, 200: 71: XX: XX)
Disorientated
Took 4 days to write
a letter - as if time was slipping by - getting nowhere fast. (109,f, 200:
00:XX: XX)
(ROS) I dont feel
quite in the world - culturally things have gone on around me, Ive missed
things. (109,f, 200: 00:XX: XX)
Depressed still,
also no desire to do anything - desire to drink alcohol. (102, m, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Disinclined to work.
(102, m, 6: 03:XX: XX)
I feel depressed in
a strange way - no great appetite for work a wish to enjoy myself - drink, sex,
pleasure. Tiredness not depressed but despair or languor. Drink coffee - I know
its wrong but I need something - the urge to break rules is strong.
No desire to do
things I love doing - garden work, studies and writing, play music, go to
cinema, indifference. (102, m, 6: 08:XX: XX)
Confused. Cant find
familiar objects. (100, f, 6: 01: XX: XX)
Disorientated in
familiar surroundings. (100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Short term memory
shot at. Keeps putting things down and not able to find them even though they
are there. (100, f, 6: 02:XX: XX)
Memory is poor. Loss
of memory for familiar things. (100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Clumsy - dropping
things all the time. (100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Confused and
giggling. (100, f, 6: 02:XX: XX)
Sensation as if
brick wall is stopping me from doing things. Cant get through it. Frustrated.
Cant find a way to remember things. Angry about it. Left my bag of sac lac at
supervisors house yesterday (2kg is difficult to miss) it was in front of my
nose and I needed it. I know Ive done things -cant find a way through it. Cant
find things. Supervisor observed; spent a long time rummaging through her bag
looking for something that she had in her hand, (NOTE: Supervisor also lost
something, a message very important, for 3 days. I searched everywhere for it.
It had been in my hand most of that time.) (100, f, 6: 02:XX: XX)
Circle dancing -
felt well and good energy first half, second half not really there in the room.
Feet felt mixed up. Fatigue (3), lay on floor, dozed, took half an hour to come
out of it. Wondered how I would drive home. Someone asked me if I was OK. She
noticed my feet where getting mixed up. Sensation as if asleep on feet. Wasnt
completely in the room. Not in room / dance. (103, f. 200: 02:XX: XX)
Made a mistake
numbering the day in my diary (only noticed when writing up the proving notes -
this symptom gets worse later on, and I hadnt realised it had started so soon.)
(104,f, 30: 02:XX: XX)
Still clumsy. Keep
dropping things. Ive dropped the car keys I dont know how many times today.
NOTE: Supervisor has constantly been dropping things as well. (100, f, 6:
03:XX: XX)
So far this month
(including the period just before the proving started) 8 patients have got
their appointment times and dates wrong - 3 this week so far! (Ive been able to
establish its not my fault!) (104,f, 30: 07:XX: XX)
A complete lapse of
memory - couldnt remember at all if Id put a remedy out for a patient to
collect although I know Id prepared it, but it wasnt where I should have left
it. As if a chunk of memory had disappeared, for something Id just done.
(104,f, 30: 09:XX: XX)
Felt spaced out
before - now dont feel as detached - I felt out of things. (109,f, 200:
10:XX:XX)
Walking in the
precinct - felt weepy, feeble, weak and a bit pathetic. Confused -whats going
on? (109,f, 200: 13:XX: XX)
Making lots of
mistakes in my writing and misspellings - just spelt round with a w not a r!
Can make 3 or 4 in a sentence, but quickly spot them (when going through
proving notes realized I havent spotted them all.) (104, f, 30: 12:XX: XX)
Supervisor pointed
out Id got the numbering of all the days in the proving diary wrong (corrected
at writing up stage I) (104, f, 30: XX: XX: XX)
(I0S) Busy going
nowhere. (109,f. 200: 14:XX: XX)
Energy levels
dropping fast, difficult to concentrate, cant remember what has been said.
Embarrassing - feel distant. (110,f, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
(I0S) Feel very
negative - What is the point of life? . (109,f, 200: 15:XX: XX)
Still a sense of
distance - feeling I was being drawn away. (110,f, 1M:13:XX: XX)
A feeling of
everything slipping away from me, out of control. Nothing to hold on to. There
is no logical mind behind this - I did administration things this morning and
worked out a new case in the afternoon - that is I have had a productive day.
Not a feeling of pressure of things to do, more a feeling of disintegration.
(103, f, 200: 16:XX: XX)
Feel tired and
horrible, cannot focus. Driving problem cannot gauge distance - mustnt drive
too close in case I hit something. (109.f, 200: 17:XX: XX)
Still feel trapped
and out of control, irritable, edgy and tense. Must try and relax more. Must
look to change otherwise health and study will suffer. (107,m, 1M, 18:XX: XX)
Had a row worse for
consolation. Wanted to sneeze, cough (after the row) but afraid back would go -
but symptoms worse for consolation. Felt out of control - felt as if I was
having a convulsion. Felt very alone vulnerable isolated. They dont deserve me.
Decided to antidote the proving. (109,f, 200: 18:XX: XX)
My mind feels chaotic
and so do my surroundings. Work feels out of control and the house a tip. It
all feels too much to put right. (104,f, 30: 22:XX:XX)
Very aware Im still
making lots of mistakes in writing - sometimes miss letters out or write just
half a letter, i.e. dont complete it. (104,f, 30: 23:XX: XX)
Three times in the
last week Ive taken the wrong route on short familiar local journeys by car.
Suddenly realised Im going the wrong way on journeys I would never usually even
think about! (This is very unusual) (104,f, 30: 24:XX: XX)
Sluggish (mind) and
feeling of unease. A thin insubstantial divide between control and loss.
(107,m, 1M: 25:XX: XX)
No energy feel
zapped. (110,f, 1M: 25:XX: XX)
Feel decidedly not
with it - wandered around. Need to lie down. Want to be shut off from
everything. Repeated this feeling in the evening. (110,f,1M: 26:XX: XX)
Misjudged distances
caused two falls. (110,f, 1M: 30:XX: XX)
A compulsion to
write 1958 instead of 1998 all day, and Ive written todays date a lot today.
Each time I have to stop myself from doing it. (58 is the year of my birth)
this symptom lasted only one day. (104,f, 30: 45:XX: XX)
Felt I acted
slightly inappropriately with 3 different patients today -tearful for a
patients state, as I read a remedy essence to her. Too approving of a patient
who is thinking of acting in a potentially unlawful way, for fear of seeming to
judge her. Spent most of a session chatting to a patient about mutual friends
instead of taking his case! Although it was mainly his doing. (104,f ,30:
47:XX: XX)
Time
One thing I noticed
is that time seems to slow down. (107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Not enough space
Driving home felt
not with it. Went through one or two gaps where there wasnt space to fit. Took
a few chances, sense of not having enough space. Other drivers had to move out
of my way. (Normally a very cautious driver, husband always says he can drive
in between the space Im driving in.) (103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
Do not want to be
restricted in any way - undo bra - feel uncomfortable, too tight, and too
restrictive. (110,f, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Increased Energy
A spate of very
earthy activity which I love - walking the dog, cooked chocolate brownies,
producing a special meal for the family I havent felt like baking for months,
but its felt like a real need. Then relapsed into a martyr role of doing all
the washing up, cleaning up, even drying up, and couldnt stop until it was all
done and felt completely exhausted and no one noticed. (104,f, 30: 03:XX: XX)
Lack of motivation
Went out and stood
just waiting for instructions - no motivation, no initiative, looked sulky,
felt difficult and stubborn. (101, m, 1M: 05:XX: XX)
Irritable in the
morning on being challenged about getting on with jobs that needed doing on the
house/garden (i.e. not getting on with them!) (101, m, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Feeling of not
knowing what I wanted to do, in the evening, I should be doing something,
restlessness. (104,f, 30, 11:XX: XX)
I have energy but
cant get on with anything. (109,f, 200: 11:XX: XX)
Travel / New
Opportunities
Travel opportunities
in the air. (110,f, 1M: 02:XX: XX)
A lot of travel and
distance seems to be the theme, possibly of foreign travel. Distant foreign
travels, not just Europe. This feels different. (110,f, 1M: 05:XX: XX)
Found I was doing
something completely new for me: - looking for jobs for my partner (hes unhappy
in his current job) and I was actually looking at jobs elsewhere in the
country, and abroad, and finding myself open to the possibility that moving
away from here might be an option, and even quite exciting ! Ive always been
adamant that Ill never move from this house, let alone from Manchester, but
suddenly the possibility was there, and it wasnt even scary! For me this is a
huge shift. Maybe weve been in Manchester too long??! Feels like itchy feet.
(104,f, 30: O6: XX: XX)
Lot of travel and
moving around me - been to travel agents to get house details, exciting - 2
months ago would have not thought about traveling and moving. (110,f, 1M:
17:XX: XX)
Quite excited at
thought of going away for the weekend. (101, m, 1M: 18:XX: XX)
Have developed an
intense passion for someone I shouldnt have! Its a hugely deep physical and
mental attraction and it feels all consuming and very distracting. I want to
spend all my time fantasizing about meeting him, and to sleep in order to dream
about him. Its about passion on the emotional level, not sexual. About a
meeting of minds and hearts, and it feels so right ...but at the same time it feels
so wrong because of my commitment to my partner. All in all, a very sensitive
issue, and I keep trying to push it away and hold on it being a part of the
proving, but the stronger urge is holding onto it because it feels so exciting
and new! (108,f, 30: 20:XX: XX)
Grief / Old Wounds
(I0S) Grief - deep
crying about: Dogs dying, a friends son, a bit about my mother - feelings of
deep sadness for the grief of others in the world - not depression, just
sadness. Sunshine makes these feelings worse. (103, f, 200: 08:XX: XX)
(I0S) Deep anger
about sexual abuse came up - a lot of it aimed at my stepfather who abused my
daughter as a child. (103, f, 200: 08:XX: XX)
(R0S) I am thinking
about my Dad (died 5 years ago) (109,f, 200: 14:XX: XX)
The horror of
looking down and seeing the frogs leg stuck in the door remains with me as I
wake up this morning. I wondered how it was. (103, f, 200: 18:XX: XX)
A friends ex husband
has died - shocking news - and my supervisor has also had some similar news
about a colleagues father, shes heard of two other deaths this week too.
(104,f, 30: 19:XX: XX)
Mothers day and felt
very down. Wept for the pain of all mothers for an hour in the afternoon, about
mothers being used and abused and acknowledged the world over. It was a very
deep pain, and most unusual for me. All this seems to have started or come to a
head since Friday when I saw old colleagues and started to talk about old job
and boss (very difficult period in my life). (104,f, 30: 57:XX: XX)
My present situation
is one of frustrated love - my loved one cannot be with me. Since the remedy,
are the different feelings with respect to this situation - sadness,
loneliness, depths of sadness, I wrote to my love I would rather be dead than
be like this with no contact. Before we had secretive contact full of stress,
it was hell, we ended it because it was making us so ill. But this is worse
this is like being in the shadows - dead having crossed the Styx. It is so
strong it could be a proving. I feel suicidal - so down in the depths of
loneliness - needing her to be with me. No one else will do! (102, m, 6: 00:XX:
XX)
Animals
Very irritable. The
cat is irritating me beyond measure. Threw her to the ground feeling loss of
control. Want to control everything. Used to feel like this when premenstrual -
the feeling would go once the period had started. This feeling went once I
started to take Evening Primrose about 20 years ago. (103, f, 200: 71:XX: XX)
The house seems in
danger of filling up with animals! Weve just got 40 ants in an "Ant world,
and the kids want a guinea pig and hamster. At the same time, one of our fish
was discovered dead on the floor, having jumped out and been there at least a
week - awful neglect or lack of interest on our part! (104,f, 30: 12:XX: XX)
Saw a Kingfisher
while walking - amazing sight! Animals seem so important in my life at the
moment. (104,f, 30: 15:XX:XX)
I feel Im getting
lots of useful information from unexpected sources at the moment. For example
the dogs been unwell and I thought she must have eaten something, then went for
a walk to the park and chatted to 2 council workmen who told me theyd just
found a huge pile of curry (!) under a tree where the dog had been nosing
around yesterday. (104,f, 30: 16:XX: XX)
A strange and disturbing event. I shut the
back door, looked down and saw half a frogs foot, half its lower limbs, and
half its upper leg. The upper part of the leg had the skin off (i.e. the
underlying tissue was exposed.) I couldnt bring myself to open the door for
fear of what the rest of the frog would look like. I got my husband to do that
- he called me in - the frog looked Ok and he let it go and it hopped away. I
cant work out the significance of this event. I feel very sorry for the frog -
again an example of feeling its pain - and its way of dying - because how could
its survive with such a bad injury. (103, f, 200: 17:XX: XX)
The horror of
looking down and seeing the frogs leg stuck in the door remains with me as I
wake up this morning. I wondered how it was. (103, f, 200: 18:XX: XX)
Two new animals
ensconced in the household - a hamster and a guinea pig (to join 2 cats, and a
big dog, 2 fish and 40 ants.) (104,f, 30: 23:XX: XX)
Felt as if animals
in the house are getting out of control! Everywhere I go theres a cat or dog or
hamster where it shouldnt be! At one stage there was a cat, a hamster and a
guinea pig all on the kitchen table I (maybe its the children who are out of
control!) Theres also mud, sawdust and hay all over the house and Im beginning
to wonder if it is such a good idea. (104,f, 30: 25:XX: XX)
At times today Ive
felt that the animals are controlling us rather -theres always something that
needs doing, or one that needs rescuing from a situation. (104,f, 30: 26:XX:
XX)
Another fish died
through neglect! The complete opposite of whats happening in dreams where Im
looking after neglected animals. (I am looking after all the other animals
well.) (104,f, 30: 60:XX: XX)
Anticipation
Sinking anticipatory
anxiety felt in stomach on waking, but Ive nothing to feel this way about.
(104,f, 30: 12:XX: XX)
Strongest emotion
absolutely nothing. Usual to feel this before menopause or before meditation,
lack of negative emotion feeling of contentment, all the problems are still
there. Started to think about grandchildren - could feel anxiety but stopped it
before it began - cut the loop. (103, f, 200: 14:XX: XX)
Anxious about giving
report to meeting - why do I put myself in these situations. (101, m, 1M:
19:XX: XX)
Refugee
(ROS) After son left
for school - felt dispossessed like a refugee - I dont have anywhere. (109,f,
200: 14:XX: XX)
Criticism
A lot of criticism
from my daughter about how difficult it is to live at home, I wont let her use
the stereo etc., etc., and complaints from 2 patients about how bad they feel
on homoeopathy theyre not sure they want anymore treatment. I felt able to
stand it but is quite an unusual amount for me all at the same time. I dont
feel particularly affected by all this criticism. (103, f, 200: 16:XX: XX)
Information
I feel Im getting
lots of useful information from unexpected sources at the moment. For example
the dogs been unwell and I thought she must have eaten something, then went for
a walk to the park and chatted to 2 council workmen who told me theyd just fund
a huge pile of curry (!) under a tree where the dog had been nosing around
yesterday. (104,f, 30: 16:XX: XX)
Some more useful
information gleaned from a fellow dog walker acquaintance in the park - to do
with a house for rent, which a friend of mine needs. It feels as if every time
I go out, I came home with something useful or interesting! (104,f, 30: 17:XX:
XX)
Met a friend in the
park that I havent seen for ages - arranged provisional lunch. (104,f, 30:
18:XX: XX)
Music
Suddenly really into
Bach string music - want it on all the time, its tugging at my heart strings!
(Never been interested in it before.) (104,f, 30: 17:XX: XX)
Introspection
Night seems a
threat. Little doubts create big worries. Sense of normality and freedom.
(1O7,m, 1M: 27:XX: XX)
On the outside
looking in. (11O,f, 1M: 27:XX: XX)
Wanted to drop out
of it all. (110,f, 1M: 28:XX: XX)
Lying in bed at
night before sleep and saw a visual image of blue bubbles rising against a pale
blue sky. Carbon dioxide came to my mind as a word (second time Ive had a
visual image - never had them before). (104,f, 30: 29:XX: XX)
Found myself
thinking about people I used to work with 18 years ago - maybe I dreamt about
them but I dont recall a clear dream. (104,f, 30: 27:XX: XX)
Introspection -
self-analysis - sensation of something traveling from the top of my head down
through my body to feet. Mentally grounded. (11O,f, 1M: 53:XX: XX)
(ROS) Impressions of
my father (twice) - he said be careful - has had the sense of protectiveness.
Before this time it was in words. (103, f. 200: 04: XX: XX)
Despondent
Felt the distance
thing again but feel miserable as if Ive got the whole world on my shoulders.
(110,f, 1M: 29:XX: XX)
Felt quite
despondent because of several patient cancellations during the last week. (103,
f, 200: 30:XX: XX)
Felt miserable down
in the dumps. Feel as if Ive gone to the extreme of this remedy. (110,f, 1M:
30:XX: XX)
Despondent and low.
(110,f, IM: 39:XX: XX)
Feel and look as if
Im a hundred years old. (People comment on my paleness). Low self-esteem - feel
unattractive - looked in mirror - pale and miserable. (110,f, 1M: 40:XX: XX)
Still low, feel
dragging and horrible. Dont want to communicate. (110,f, IM: 41:XX: XX)
Dont want to think
about anything Im dragging on to get through. (110,f, 1M: 42:XX: XX)
Exhausted and weepy.
(110,f, 1M: 45:XX: XX)
Feeling low, feeling
unattractive, I dont feel feminine. I dont know what I want anymore. I feel my
face and hair is a mess, weepy. (110,f, 1M: 46:XX: XX)
My 40th birthday and
have felt very down for a few days which is most unusual. Dont know if its to
do with the proving or because Im turning 40. Close to tears a lot of times,
and sobbed my heart out reading a sad story to my daughter at bedtime. Trying
not to feel sorry for myself a lot of time. (104,f,1M: 60:XX: XX)
Miscellaneous
Stunned to hear
sister has suffered a stroke or cancer of the brain. (107m, 1M: XX: XX: XX)
Noticed the sense of
depression that I used to get briefly on cooking has not been there since
taking the remedy. (103, f, 200: 04:XX: XX)
I want to eat,
drink, and sleep! All things I can ignore usually. (104,f, 30: 06:XX: XX)
Daughter and I
having a few spats about the use of the telephone, she doesnt like to be told
what to do. Situation feels healthier than it was. (103, f, 200: 09:XX: XX)
Very untidy in
bedroom - lots of things on bed. Extra covers wanted wool. (110,f, 1M: 09:XX:
XX)
(ROS) Dont want to
do mental work - but want to do physical work. (109,f, 200: 11:XX: XX)
Woke from a very
deep sleep and did not want to get up - wanted to curl up and sleep again. Felt
very warm and cozy. Then all day feeling very sleepy (not physical tired, but a
heavy bleary feeling in my head and eyes). (104,f, 30: 14:XX: XX)
Tired and lethargic
difficult to self-motivate. Possibly a delayed reaction to suffer. (101, m, 1M:
18:XX: XX)
Tired after long
drive. (101,m, 1M: 19:XX: XX)
Felt funny on
waking: wanted to slip back into my shadow. (110,f,1M: 19: XX: XX) (I0S) Fear
of cancer is so strong it nearly made me sick. Aware constantly of a lump on
the neck. Need great resolution to rationalize the situation. Last two days may
have seen the return of the remedy, this time more heavy and threatening.
(107,m, 1M: 19:XX: XX)
Feel people are
looking at me and know something is wrong with my eyes. Felt as if I might
burst into tears and would have done it if anyone had asked if anything was
wrong with my eyes. (110,f, 1M: 23:XX:XX)
Lowness lifting.
(110,f,1M: 48:XX: XX)
DREAMS
Animals
Drinking from a
saucepan - when I nearly completed it, found something like a large decomposed
slug stuck to the bottom of it - slug is long and large. Feeling of mild
disgust. (101, m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)